He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
