Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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