Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
