lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
