Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
