you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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