I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
