Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Randomize
