last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize