At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
