Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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