he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
