my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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