You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
