PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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