What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
