My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
