evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
