I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
