Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
