; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
