Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
