This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize