He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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