If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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