Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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