Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
