Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
