So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
