and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
