She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
