Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
