at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I did not marry a roomba.
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