Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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