She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dear god my vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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