I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
