I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
