why didn't you poke me back
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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