Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
