I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
