Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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