i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
