how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
