I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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