i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
