Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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