Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
