I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
