He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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