Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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