Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
