I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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