Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
