If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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