just come out here and I will go home with you...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Two words: nipple clamps
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