There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
