I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
