I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
