I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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