I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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