Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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