Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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