Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
