we have officially lost it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
