Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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