Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
