Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
