There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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