he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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