i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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