my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Liz is crying about burritos again.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
