It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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