I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
