Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize