Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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