yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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