I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
