I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
