you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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