i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
