Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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